DoEEcrestDue to the inherent danger posed by interactive Video Games and other forms of Electronic Entertainment, the United States Government has created the Department of Electronic Entertainment. The DoEE is America’s first line of defense against inappropriate gaming content, and a parent’s first stop for information regarding upcoming games.

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2K Unveils Three New Bioshock Games

2K Unveils Three New Bioshock Games

Last week fans of the popular video game Bioshock were stunned to learn that Irrational Games, the studio which created the franchise, was shutting down. In a press release on the Irrational Games website CEO Ken Levine announced "I’m handing the reins of our creation, theBioShock universe, to 2K Games."  The future of the Bioshock series was uncertain in the days following the announcement, but today 2K announced that a new trilogy of Bioshock games is already ...

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Black Friday Collateral Damage Within Acceptable Parameters

Black Friday Collateral Damage Within Acceptable Parameters

The following Department Briefing has been declassified as per the Freedom of Information Act: “Agents, I’d like to thank you all for the overtime you’ve put in during the last 48 hours.  Without your efforts, I’m certain that the casualties would have been much worse.  Despite the tragic loss of life in the “Walmart  incident” death tolls this Black Friday have been well below our estimations. Even with the Walmart tear gas attacks, the Gamestop stampede, and the ...

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Steam Raises Prices By 400% Overnight

Steam Raises Prices By 400% Overnight

Today gamers suffered a shock as the popular digital distributor Steam increased the prices of many of its products by as much as 400%.  Games such as the 2013 reboot of Tomb Raider were selling for $9.99 only yesterday but have now rocketed to over four times that price at a staggering $49.99. Stunned gamers weighed in their disbelief. Long time Steam customers Nicolas Hauser of New York City told our correspondent "They raised the price ...

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Bioshock Infinite Is Using Irony, or Perhaps Sarcasm

Bioshock Infinite Is Using Irony, or Perhaps Sarcasm

When Irrational games announced they are developing a new Bioshock game set in the ultra-patriotic city of Columbia, we here at the U.S. Department of Electronic Entertainment were delighted at the prospect of exploring this wonderland of American Exceptionalism.  Unfortunately we were recently informed that the themes of patriotism and a healthy fear of foreigners are not to taken at face value.  It appears that the game is using some form of literary tool in ...

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Sony Holds Follow-Up Press Conference To Confirm PlayStation 3

Sony Holds Follow-Up Press Conference To Confirm PlayStation 3

Today Sony held a press conference in New York to unveil the upcoming game console the PlayStation 4.  Immediately thereafter they held a second press event for confused reporters to reassure them that the PlayStation 3 really did exist and that it is still on the market.  "Seriously, it's one of the top five gaming consoles out there right now" insisted Andrew House, the chief executive of Sony Computer Entertainment. The PlayStation 3 has consistently lagged ...

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Bioware Staff Disappointed by Ending of Mass Effect 3 User Review

Bioware Staff Disappointed by Ending of Mass Effect 3 User Review

Many members of Bioware's development team have responded negatively to a user review of their most recent game Mass Effect 3, expressing tremendous disappointment in how the review ends.    The review, written by Amazon customer Cane Thomas begins with intriguing, well-written commentary on the Mass Effect series and the author's own personal experiences in playing Bioware's games.  It then begins an intricate examination of the artistic and technical merits and flaws of the game, but ...

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Third Party Developers Discover The Wii-U

Third Party Developers Discover The Wii-U

Despite an aggressive effort to prevent video game developers from creating games for their new Wii-U console, Nintendo has confirmed that third party video game developers have learned of the Wii-U's existence and are now working to bring products to the system, against Nintendo's wishes. A Nintendo spokesman told the Department of Electronic Entertainment "Every time we put out a new console we try to only release our own games for it, but these pesky third ...

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I Assure You, The Illuminati Do Not Exist

I Assure You, The Illuminati Do Not Exist

Attention citizens,  we here at the Department of Electronic Entertainment are glad to see that you all enjoyed yourselves with the hands-on play you had with Funcom's upcoming game The Secret World during the Penny Arcade Expo last week, but please remember that the Illuminati group mentioned in the game is only a fictional organization.  You do not need to concern yourselves that the Department of Electronic Entertainment has been infiltrated by Illuminati double agents. The game presents ...

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We Cannot Confirm Or Deny The Zombie Virus

We Cannot Confirm Or Deny The Zombie Virus

Earlier this week, the Centers for Disease Control officially denied rumors that the recent rise in cannibalistic assaults in America is due to a zombie virus.  In an e-mail to the Huffington Post, agency spokesman David Daigle wrote "CDC does not know of a virus or condition that would reanimate the dead (or one that would present zombie-like symptoms)."  Unfortunately the Department of Electronic Entertainment cannot confirm or deny the existence of a zombie virus at this ...

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