Author Archives: Department Chief Jackson

About Department Chief Jackson

Department Chief Jackson was instrumental in forming the Department of Electronic Entertainment following the widespread civil unrest which occurred in 2007 during the Mass Effect sex scandal. With over forty years of public service, Chief Jackson knows better than any man the truth of the DoEE motto: “National Defense is no game“.

The Nation Will Be In Good Hands No Matter How The Election Turns Out

Attention Citizens:  Now that the election is upon us, we at the U.S. Department of Electronic Entertainment wish to quell any fears about the outcome of today’s election. Both Mitt Romney and Barack Obama are highly-qualified, and the nation will … Continue reading

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Warning: Do Not Tell The Mainstream Media About Gotham City Impostors

In the wake of the mass shootings in Aurora Colorado, the mainstream media and many politicians are desperately seeking a way to connect the killings to video games.  So far they have latched onto the blockbuster hits Batman Arkham Asylum and Arkham City. … Continue reading

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This Agency Disavows Any Knowledge Of The Virtuous Mission

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The following document has been declassified as per the Freedom of Information Act: “Agents, as you know, Konami recently released Metal Gear Solid: Snake Eater 3D for the Nintendo 3DS.  Allow me to be clear, gentlemen – this video game is … Continue reading

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This Department Will Take Point In A Reaper Invasion

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The following Department Briefing has been declassified and is now available for public viewing as per the Freedom of Information Act: “Agents, the release of the Mass Effect 3 Extended Cut this week prompted me to visit both the White House and … Continue reading

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We Have No Comment Regarding The Secret World Beta Test

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Attention Citizens:  Due to the non-diclosure agreement signed at the start of this weekend’s closed beta test for Funcom’s upcoming MMO, The Secret World, we are unable to confirm or deny that fun was had by all.  Other, less formal … Continue reading

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This Department Pays Our Prostitutes Promptly

Attention American citizens.  By now, the public should be aware of the shocking scandal brought upon the United States government by the actions of the Secret Service who cavorted with prostitutes while awaiting the President’s arrival in Columbia last week.  The scandal … Continue reading

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I Assure You, The Illuminati Do Not Exist

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Attention citizens,  we here at the Department of Electronic Entertainment are glad to see that you all enjoyed yourselves with the hands-on play you had with Funcom’s upcoming game The Secret World during the Penny Arcade Expo last week, but please … Continue reading

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Obama Has Revealed Our Existence To The Public

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The Following Department Briefing has been de-classified as per the Freedom of Information Act and is now available for public viewing: “Agents, by now you should all be aware that the White House has made the existence of the Department … Continue reading

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Congressmen Wolf and Baca Have Over-stepped Their Authority

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The following Department Briefing has been declassified as per the Freedom of Information Act: “Agents, you should all be aware by now that Congressmen Joe Baca and Frank Wolf recently introduced the bill known as H.R.4204 which, if passed, requires … Continue reading

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Zombie Gunship – iPhone Review

Agents.  I’m pleased to inform you all that our efforts to acquire a C130 Gunship for our department have been successful.  Unfortunately, the Department of Defense has not allocated us adequate training time on a simulator.  However we here at … Continue reading

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