Category Archives: Security Advisories

Black Friday Collateral Damage Within Acceptable Parameters

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The following Department Briefing has been declassified as per the Freedom of Information Act: “Agents, I’d like to thank you all for the overtime you’ve put in during the last 48 hours.  Without your efforts, I’m certain that the casualties … Continue reading

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Sony Holds Follow-Up Press Conference To Confirm PlayStation 3

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Today Sony held a press conference in New York to unveil the upcoming game console the PlayStation 4.  Immediately thereafter they held a second press event for confused reporters to reassure them that the PlayStation 3 really did exist and … Continue reading

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Third Party Developers Discover The Wii-U

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Despite an aggressive effort to prevent video game developers from creating games for their new Wii-U console, Nintendo has confirmed that third party video game developers have learned of the Wii-U’s existence and are now working to bring products to … Continue reading

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Steam Raises Prices By 400% Overnight

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Today gamers suffered a shock as the popular digital distributor Steam increased the prices of many of its products by as much as 400%.  Games such as the 2013 reboot of Tomb Raider were selling for $9.99 only yesterday but … Continue reading

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Gamers Take Moment of Silence. Griefers Take Opportunity to Massacre and Teabag.

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In the wake of the tragic events in Newtown last week, some politicians have laid the blame on video game violence, and several video game websites have called for a virtual ceasefire in online gaming to demonstrate that gamers do … Continue reading

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The Nation Will Be In Good Hands No Matter How The Election Turns Out

Attention Citizens:  Now that the election is upon us, we at the U.S. Department of Electronic Entertainment wish to quell any fears about the outcome of today’s election. Both Mitt Romney and Barack Obama are highly-qualified, and the nation will … Continue reading

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We Cannot Confirm Or Deny The Zombie Virus

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Earlier this week, the Centers for Disease Control officially denied rumors that the recent rise in cannibalistic assaults in America is due to a zombie virus.  In an e-mail to the Huffington Post, agency spokesman David Daigle wrote “CDC does not know … Continue reading

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The Robot Uprising Will Occur Sooner Than Expected

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Attention American citizens:  With today’s release of the first trailer for the new Call of Duty game, we have confirmation that the robot uprising will occur in 2025, several years ahead of previous estimates.  While I emphasize that this game … Continue reading

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This Department Pays Our Prostitutes Promptly

Attention American citizens.  By now, the public should be aware of the shocking scandal brought upon the United States government by the actions of the Secret Service who cavorted with prostitutes while awaiting the President’s arrival in Columbia last week.  The scandal … Continue reading

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I Assure You, The Illuminati Do Not Exist

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Attention citizens,  we here at the Department of Electronic Entertainment are glad to see that you all enjoyed yourselves with the hands-on play you had with Funcom’s upcoming game The Secret World during the Penny Arcade Expo last week, but please … Continue reading

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