Warning: Do Not Tell The Mainstream Media About Gotham City Impostors

In the wake of the mass shootings in Aurora Colorado, the mainstream media and many politicians are desperately seeking a way to connect the killings to video games.  So far they have latched onto the blockbuster hits Batman Arkham Asylum and Arkham City.  Those games have “Batman” in the title and are easy prey for uninformed journalists and lazy politicians looking to capitalize on this tragedy.  However if just one of these people does more than five minutes of research into the history of Batman games, they will eventually discover the moderately successful Batman-themed shooter Gotham City Impostors.  The gaming community must not let that happen!

Gotham City Impostors is a first-person shooter which was developed by Monolith and released earlier this year.  In it, players can dress up as characters based on Batman or The Joker and use a variety of weapons to fight other players.  Although the arsenal includes weapons like boomerangs and grappling hooks, players primarily uses firearms.

Make no mistake about this: If anyone at CNN learns about this game, it will be described as “A game where children are encouraged to dress up as the Joker and kill people with guns.”

The instant that anyone at ABC News notices that some of the character avatars are female it will then be called “A game where players are encouraged to dress up as The Joker and murder women.”

The fact that this game was featured in a sale on the digital distributor Steam only days before the shooting certainly won’t help the situation.

We here at the Department of Electronic Entertainment attempted to contact the development team behind the game.  When we arrived at Monolith Productions the doors were heavily barricaded from within in anticipation of the inevitable media tsunami regarding their game’s tenuous resemblance to the Colorado shootings.

When we called Monolith this afternoon, the first person we spoke to simply screamed “Oh crap!  I knew this was coming!  Talk to the Legal Department!  Talk to legal!” before hanging up.

When we called back seconds later the phone was answered by an unidentified man with a thick French accent who said the entire development team was “On vacation in Istanbul for six weeks”.

Although Monolith is prepared for an extended siege, this Department is asking all video game fans to keep mum about the existence of this game.  Do not play it when your parents are around.  Do not invite acquaintances at work to join your clan.  Of course, make sure your Raptr settings do not inform all of your Facebook friends that you are playing this game.

Under no circumstances should it be mentioned to church-going grandmothers, or congressional candidates seeking an issue to base their entire campaign around.

We’ll only have one chance at this, and if anyone spills the beans we can expect weeks of awkward commentary by local television reporters trying to explain that some first person shooters allow gamers to compete “Through the internet” followed by a renewed discussion on how Congress can protect America’s children from “Electronic murder simulators”.

 

*The DoEE is a humor website, not a government agency.

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About Department Chief Jackson

Department Chief Jackson was instrumental in forming the Department of Electronic Entertainment following the widespread civil unrest which occurred in 2007 during the Mass Effect sex scandal. With over forty years of public service, Chief Jackson knows better than any man the truth of the DoEE motto: “National Defense is no game“.
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One Response to Warning: Do Not Tell The Mainstream Media About Gotham City Impostors

  1. Pingback: Warning: Do Not Tell The Mainstream Media About Gotham City Impostors | charlesbattersby

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