Jessica Nigri Will Remain At An Undisclosed Location

The following Mission Situation Report has been declassified as per the Freedom of Information Act:

“Agents, by now, you should all be aware that on Saturday afternoon, the Department of Electronic Entertainment’s Omega Strike Team was deployed to the Penny Arcade Expo in Boston to deal with what will hereafter be referred to as “The Cosplay Incident”.  The publisher of the upcoming game Lollipop Chainsaw had hired the cosplayer Jessica Nigri to dress as the main character of their game, and Ms. Nigri’s revealing outfit drew negative attention from PAX attendees.  She was asked to leave the show floor, and the DoEE was asked to assist with crowd control.

Myself and the other members of Omega Strike Team arrived on scene where it was determined that non-lethal weaponry would be most advisable.  Agents [REDACTED] and [REDACTED] deployed flashbangs and smoke grenades while the rest of the squad subdued Ms. Nigri and other nearby cosplayers.  Collateral damage was kept well within the DoEE’s rules of engagement for operating on American soil.

The inappropriate costume was removed from Ms. Nigri and she is currently being held at [REDACTED] until I have personally completed her interrogation.  Due to the high profile nature of this operation, I believe that it is our patriotic duty to conduct the most thorough investigation possible.  Therefore I’ll require several days alone with Ms. Nigri, completely undisturbed.

I’ll notify Department Chief Jackson when I feel that Ms. Nigri can be released and when her clothing can be returned.  Meeting adjourned, agents.”

 

 

 

* The DoEE is a humor site not a government agency.

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