Attention all citizens. This is a security advisory from the United States Department of Electronic Entertainment. Please be aware that this notice is merely a precautionary measure, there is no specific security threat at this time.
As Halloween approaches, many of the nation’s youth will set aside their military simulator games and turn to horror titles. While this is an approved method of achieving fun, it must be stressed that horror games do not represent authentic survival tactics in the event of a UCD [Unconventional Cadaver Disturbance].
This department cannot confirm or deny any threats involving zombies or the presence of [REDACTED], however, the likelihood that you, your family, and your pets will survive any emergency situation depends largely on planning done today. You are advised to not based your plans around the actions of fictional character Leon Kennedy from the recently-released Resident Evil 4 HD.
1: Do not consume “Green Herbs”. Despite their portrayal in the Resident Evil series as having healing effects, the DoEE does not recommend the use of any herbal product for “Medicinal” purposes. Particularly in emergency situations.
2: Do not use non-lethal weaponry. The Las Plagas enemies in Resident Evil 4 HD are a fictional creature which can be defeated easily with non-lethal flash grenades. Under no circumstances should non-lethal weapons or ammunition be employed in the event of a UCD. Flash grenades and other non-lethal weapons require extensive training to use properly, and are not a viable defense against [REDACTED] even in the hand of a trained expert.
3: Do not rescue stray animals. Rescuing animals is depicted as a heroic and admirable deed in Resident Evil 4 HD, yet it must be stressed that interacting with unfamiliar animals during a crisis situation can further spread of diseases including rabies and [REDACTED].
Thank you and have a happy Halloween,
DoEE Department Chief