Sony Holds Follow-Up Press Conference To Confirm PlayStation 3

playstation 4 unveil 01Today Sony held a press conference in New York to unveil the upcoming game console the PlayStation 4.  Immediately thereafter they held a second press event for confused reporters to reassure them that the PlayStation 3 really did exist and that it is still on the market.  “Seriously, it’s one of the top five gaming consoles out there right now” insisted Andrew House, the chief executive of Sony Computer Entertainment.

The PlayStation 3 has consistently lagged behind the Xbox 360 in sales for the last three years, and PlayStaion 3 games have sold poorly when compared to Xbox exclusive franchises like Halo and Gears of War.  Many journalists at the PlayStation 4 unveiling had apparently forgotten the PS3 or had never been aware that it existed at all.

When pressed for more details, a Sony representative replied “It’s a big black box that plays video games.  Sort of like a $600 Xbox that doesn’t play Halo, but does play these expensive DVDs called Blue Rays.  Remember?”  After being reminded of the console’s $600 price tag at launch, several reporters seemed to recall the product’s existence.

Sony’s new chief executive, Kazuo Hirai remarked “The PlayStation 3 may not be able to play popular franchises like Gears of War, but we do have this one series that’s like Tomb Raider… but Lara Croft is not in it.  Instead you stare at some guy’s butt for 20 hours.  But still… it isn’t such a bad game.”

Hirai added “Oh and we have Killzone.  That’s kind of like Halo.

The PlayStation 3 had the highest graphical resolution of the three major consoles available when it launched in 2006.  The ability to play games at 1080p helped sell the PS3 to the handful of consumers who owned television sets capable of display that resolution at the time, while gamers with slightly lower resolution TV’s were enjoying Gears of War at 720p on their Xbox 360.

Playstation 3 unveilThe press release for the event points out that among the features the PlayStation 3 has is “The ability to play high-resolution DVD’s, so if a Halo movie ever gets made, you will be able to watch it on your PlayStation 3.”

Jack Tretton, CEO of Sony Computer Entertainment of America reminded the press “Hey, come on, the PS3 had lots of great games, like God of War 2, and Shadow of the Colossus, and… okay those were PlayStation 2 games, but you used to be able to play them with the backwards compatibility feature on the PS3.  That is until we removed that feature in the later models.”

Added Tretton “But you can still buy those games on expensive HD editions.  That’s pretty cool, right?  The kids today like their definitions high, right?”

Mark Cerny, Sony’s lead system architect on the PS4 grabbed the microphone and blurted “But, really, the PS4 is going to be here soon, so if you can just keep from buying an Xbox 360 for a couple more months, we’ll have some really awesome stuff.  We promise.”

Added Cerny “The guys who made Halo are doing a new game for the PS4, so I mean, come on,  just play Metal Gear Solid 4 a few more times between now and then, alright?”

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About Special Agent Battersby

Special Agent Battersby is a decorated veteran of the DoEE, having served the country with distinction during the Covenant invasion, the Raccoon City outbreak, and the Rikti assault on Paragon City.
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