Attention Citizens: Now that the election is upon us, we at the U.S. Department of Electronic Entertainment wish to quell any fears about the outcome of today’s election. Both Mitt Romney and Barack Obama are highly-qualified, and the nation will be in good hands no matter how the election turns out. We as Americans should all be happy with the result, regardless of which of these fine candidates wins.Both gentlemen will have the full support of a major political party behind them when they are sworn in. Regardless of whether that party is Democrat or Republican, the support of one of these parties carries enough weight to prevent any of the Third Parties from interfering with the streamlined effectiveness of the two party system.
Both of them have earned extensive financing for their campaigns, raising a combined total of over one billion dollars to promote themselves to voters. With hundreds of millions of dollars coming from Special Interest Groups, Corporations, Super PACs, wealthy celebrities and businessmen, voters can be assured the each candidate will take office with an extensive To-Do list.
Neither of them will have to wait to be told what do with their power; they know exactly which backs they need to scratch. Plus each of them has years of experience as a professional politician. Romney and Obama are unfettered with responsibilities and ambitions outside of their political efforts.
Like all Americans, we here at the U.S. Department of Electronic Entertainment strongly believe that Gay Marriage and Abortion are more important than all of the other issues facing the country put together. As such we were pleased to discover that both candidates have strong views on the subjects as well.
No matter which candidate wins this election, we can rest assured that decisive plans regarding Same Sex Marriage and Abortion are in the works for the next administration. No matter what stand you hold on these issues, you can sleep well knowing that the government will be hard at work examining these very topics.
The skyrocketing national debt is another major concern this election year, and both candidates seem aware that that the country is spending more money than it earns. Many voters want someone to do something about this problem.
Fortunately, each of the candidates is someone, and they have each vowed to do something.
The problem of the nation’s 16 trillion dollar debt will be addressed by whomsoever sits in the White House for the next four years. If Americans continue participating in the political process with the same level of enthusiasm as they’ve show in recent years, the national debt may even be paid off within our lifetimes.
For those of you who want to help make the election go more smoothly; please make sure to cast your vote for the candidate from the political party that traditionally wins your state.
This will streamline the process by eliminating unnecessary and irrelevant votes that take time to count, thus delaying the moment at which your state can officially cast its Electoral Votes for the predetermined recipient.
Now that the election fretting has been settled, it’s time for this department to turn to the day’s more pressing issues.