Attention American citizens: With today’s release of the first trailer for the new Call of Duty game, we have confirmation that the robot uprising will occur in 2025, several years ahead of previous estimates. While I emphasize that this game is only a work of fiction, we must not under-estimate the team of precogs employed by Activision.
The game alternates between missions set during the Cold War, and scenes that take place a mere thirteen years from now. These near-future missions involve protagonist David Mason defending America, not from Russians, but from our own army of un-manned drones.
While logic might dictate that the wise course of action is to curtail the use and development of autonomous robot fighting machines, the Department of Electronic entertainment is not authorized to make such decisions. Therefore it is this department’s recommendation that all citizens spend the next thirteen years preparing for this inevitable uprising by playing video games that feature robots as antagonists.
We must stress that no specific security threat has been confirmed at this time, and urge citizens to remain calm. However all Americans are still encouraged to cash in their Treasury bonds and purchase copies of Binary Domain, Shoot Many Robots, and the Mass Effect trilogy to help prepare. Those of you who have resources should immediately acquire any arcade cabinets that run the various Terminator arcade games.
Remain calm, and stock up on armor-piercing ammunition, America.