“Agents, as you know, Konami recently released Metal Gear Solid: Snake Eater 3D for the Nintendo 3DS. Allow me to be clear, gentlemen – this video game is purely a work of fiction.
The game follows the adventures of codename “Naked Snake” on a top secret operation during the Cold War called the “Virtuous Mission”. Any resemblance to any agent of the U.S. Department of Electronic Entertainment is entirely coincidental. These events did not occur.
The game, and I must stress that it is only game, and not a 3D virtual training simulation which has been repurposed as an entertainment product, involves an agent engaging in espionage activity that would severely damage the already strained diplomatic relation the U.S. has with Russia if it were ever revealed that [REDACTED].
While it certainly makes for a thrilling tale, the escapades of a lone soldier penetrating deep into the Soviet Union during the height of Cold War hostilities is nothing more than escapist fantasies. The near-superhuman hand-to-hand skills displayed by Naked Snake are a drastically exaggerated from the actual Close Quarters Combat taught at the time, and the High Altitude Low Opening parachute jump depicted in the open cutscene has numerous inaccuracies.
The official response to civilian media organizations is that the Virtuous Mission did not happen, and my whereabouts during the final week of August 1964 have been confirmed as being well within the continental United States.”