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Five Secrets Every Hardcore Gamer Knows That Could Ruin The Video Game Industry

We here at the Department of Electronic Entertainment possess vast pools of intel about the gaming industry.  We deal with situations every day that would leave most Americans cowering in terror.  But some secrets don’t require a  team of espionage … Continue reading

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This Department Will Take Point In A Reaper Invasion

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The following Department Briefing has been declassified and is now available for public viewing as per the Freedom of Information Act: “Agents, the release of the Mass Effect 3 Extended Cut this week prompted me to visit both the White House and … Continue reading

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Microsoft Confirms “Smart Fridge” For Xbox

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This week at E3, South Park creator Trey Parker poked fun at Microsoft’s new “Smart Glass” feature for Xbox, calling it a way to “Watch my television, while hooked into my mobile device, which is being controlled by my tablet device, … Continue reading

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We Cannot Confirm Or Deny The Zombie Virus

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Earlier this week, the Centers for Disease Control officially denied rumors that the recent rise in cannibalistic assaults in America is due to a zombie virus.  In an e-mail to the Huffington Post, agency spokesman David Daigle wrote “CDC does not know … Continue reading

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New Video Game Is Not An al-Qaeda Propaganda Plot

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This week Paradox Interactive released a trailer for the new expansion pack to their historical strategy game Crusader Kings II.  The game previously allowed players to wage war against the Muslim world by re-enacting the Crusades, but the newly-announced Sword … Continue reading

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It Is Your Patriotic Duty To Buy This Game

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Previously the Department of Electronic Entertainment reported on the economic value of buying the game Kingdoms of Amalur: Reckoning, but it seems that our warnings went unheeded!  Because America failed to abide by this department’s fiscal guidelines, the state of … Continue reading

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We Have No Comment Regarding The Secret World Beta Test

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Attention Citizens:  Due to the non-diclosure agreement signed at the start of this weekend’s closed beta test for Funcom’s upcoming MMO, The Secret World, we are unable to confirm or deny that fun was had by all.  Other, less formal … Continue reading

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Microsoft Unveils $20 Xbox

Last week Microsoft announced that they are releasing a $99 version of their Xbox 360 which requires buyers to commit to pay a $15 per month subscription fee for two years, thus bringing the total amount to $460.  Uninformed consumers immediately … Continue reading

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The Robot Uprising Will Occur Sooner Than Expected

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Attention American citizens:  With today’s release of the first trailer for the new Call of Duty game, we have confirmation that the robot uprising will occur in 2025, several years ahead of previous estimates.  While I emphasize that this game … Continue reading

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Obscure Technologies Shows Signs of Reaper Indoctrination

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The following Department Briefing has been declassified as per the Freedom of Information Act: “Agents, as you are undoubtedly aware by now, the Department of Homeland Security hired the data-mining company Obscure Technologies to design and implement measures for tracking … Continue reading

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